Half Sandcastle
by Uzumaki-sama
Summary: It hurts when you can't tell him you love him. It hurts worse when he begins to forget you're there. Their seemingly simple crushes play an accidental role in the machination of KH's events. [RikuSora TidusRiku] Oneshot.


_Author Notes:_

This is entirely for MPXD aka Maria Paula Who always brightens up my day with her posts on the yahoo group. Her prize for winning the Art Contest I held for Stygian Solace's birthday last year was a _KH one-shot of 6000 words or more with a pairing of her choice_. She asked for a TidusRiku with a little RikuSora, and that it should be partly humorous, but angsty and suspenseful too. I was definitely up for the challenge. Sorry about the delay, but it's finally here! I feel that it's not quite what you were looking for—something fluffy, right?—but this is what came out. Eh heh…

Oh yes, and I disclaim ownership of Kingdom Hearts, as much as I love to play with the boys ; Thanks to Lane, Shiva-jo, and Dark Ki for reading over this and giving lovely support!

Well, many of you know my style of writing from my other fanfics, and how I like to play with characters' _other_ sides. It was fun playing with Tidus this time! I'm really glad I was able to write this, and I hope all of you liked it! It's a seemingly simple one-shot, but actually the ideas behind it are really complicated

* * *

**_Half Sandcastle _**

_by Uzumaki_

_--------------------_

"No, Ri-kuuu! Careful or it'll collapse!!"

Blue eyes widened, apprehension filling them as they watched the older boy expertly dump a bucket of sand upside down into place.

"I know what I'm doing," Riku laughed as he took in Sora's overly-intent gaze.

After all these years making sandcastles together, Sora _still_ didn't trust his expertise? With a silent snort to himself, Riku returned his focus on the new tower they were building. He began tapping the sides of the lengthy bucket to make sure the sand wouldn't stick, only half-listening to Sora's worried advice as he hovered over his bare shoulders.

"Waaii, careful, careful!!" Sora gasped as his best friend began to lift the bucket.

"I'm _being_ careful," Riku grinned, completely revealing the new tower of their most complex sandcastle yet. The tower, simply put, was _perfect_. "See, look. It's done and it didn't collapse."

The other boy's eyes lit up with happiness.

It had been Sora's suggestion to try building this monstrous castle today, and, for lack of anything better to do, Riku had agreed. Besides, Riku was never one to turn down an invitation to hang out with Sora all day, playing around in the sand shirtless; the kid was irresistible, and oblivious to the power he held over Riku.

What power was that?

"Riku, go get some more water."

"Alright."

Plucking the previously discarded bucket from the sand, Riku flashed Sora a pleased grin and sauntered down to the edge of the water, feeling overall good about himself.

It had been a good day. But then again, days with Sora were always good. His best friend always made him feel _complete_.

Anyway, one of Riku's main weaknesses was that he'd do _anything_ to make Sora happy. At the moment it happened to be filling up the bucket, which was a pretty innocent request, but there were other times…

_"Riku, buy me some ice cream!" "Alright."_

_"Hey Riku, Selphie wants to make us over. Please lie to her and say we're busy!" "Er, alright."_

_"Rikuuu! Riku, do ya wanna fight?! I learned a new technique!" "Sure."_

_"Aww… man! That wasn't fair, let's fight again!" "**Again**?"_

_"Riku, I can't reach my back. Put some sun lotion down there?" "Hell ye--- I mean, sure, Sora. Anything you want."_

_"Hey Riku, can I test Kairi's cookies on you? They look a little weird…" "Geh… Alright."_

Needless to say, sometimes Riku's kindness got him into some awkward situations, and he found himself _often_ saving Sora from even more embarrassing moments by helping the kid out.

Sure, it seemed like something a normal best friend would do, right?

But Riku wasn't a normal best friend.

No, a normal best friend wouldn't think about Sora in indecent ways, and use the word 'molestable' to describe his best buddy. A normal best friend wouldn't want to pin Sora to the sand and lovingly explore the boy's lithe body like he was charting a foreign land, and wouldn't constantly dream about _being_ with him, holding him in public... Loving him and being loved in return.

Riku was guilty of breaking those rules. Yeah, so he had an unnatural infatuation with his best _male_ friend; so he wanted to take their friendship a step further and was too afraid to say anything. But he was happy just being together with Sora like this, goofing around like normal best friends, playing with each other without worries about a deeper relationship, or getting caught by someone they knew.

They were just… best friends.

And why didn't Riku try to further his relationship with Sora? No, it wasn't because he thought it was indecent, or was afraid of everyone else's reactions…

It was because he had a rival—a rival that always managed to steal Sora's attention, no matter how hard Riku tried to keep it. A rival who actually probably didn't realize she _was_ a rival.

"Sooora!"

Riku visibly twitched as he heard that familiar voice drifting towards him in the warm, salty air. He quickly filled his bucket and hurried back towards the sandcastle, already knowing what he'd find there---

And he was right.

"Wow, this is awesome, Sora!" Kairi exclaimed with obvious fascination, her face awash with exaggerated pride.

Kairi was the problem.

Now, don't misunderstand. Riku loved Kairi dearly and considered her a fine friend, but lately… Well, lately she'd been drawing Sora away from Riku to hang out with her, and Sora never refused her invitations, even though most of them left Riku out. Sora probably didn't even realize.

"Hey Kairi!" Sora greeted normally, carefully shaping the tower that Riku had just placed. "Isn't it great?"

"Took us all day and we're not even finished yet," Riku said in a casual tone as he set the bucket down near the younger boy.

Still stooped over the castle from inspecting it, Kairi raised her head to smile at Riku. "Still building these things at your age, Riku?" she giggled. "Shouldn't you be putting these skills to better use?"

Sora blinked from Riku to Kairi. "Whaddya mean?" he asked, still patting the sand gently, even though the question hadn't been directed at him.

"Like, building the raft, you goof!" she said, standing up straight and putting her hands on her hips. "We _are_ planning to leave before the tides change, y'know, and it's far from being complete."

Riku watched as a sad pout formed on Sora's face, his blue eyes lowering to study the sandcastle. "Yeah, but… Riku and I are--"

"Oh, come _on_, you two can finish it later!" she insisted, reaching out to pull on his arm. "Let's go work on the raft! It was your idea in the first place to make it!"

At this, Riku was a little disheartened. As always. Kairi somehow managed to always kidnap Sora from him, especially when things were getting fun with just the two of them around. He also _really_ didn't want to stop the sandcastle half-way. And the raft…

"Actually, the raft was _my_ idea," he began to say, but before he could even finish his sentence, Kairi had managed to pull Sora to his feet.

"C'mon, Sora, there's lots of work to do!" she cried happily, and Riku frowned at seeing her strong influence on Sora.

The boy was brushing sand off himself and laughing, his adorable grin wide as he let Kairi tug on him. "Alright, alright! I'll help with the raft," he said, returning her vibrant smile.

They seemed to have forgotten Riku was there.

A month or two ago a situation like this wouldn't have really bothered Riku, but it was becoming way too common recently for it to sit well with him. Usually Riku would have just let them run off together, keeping on a smile to let them know it was okay with him, even when it wasn't. But today… Today they weren't even _asking_ him if it was alright with him.

"There's so much stuff to gather to finish it. We'll need a sail, maybe some oars… What do you think, Sora?" Kairi was asking.

"Oh, um… I don't know. Rope and lots of wood, definitely…"

Riku watched as Kairi began drawing in the sand, listing off what they needed to gather, neither of them even once asking his opinion. He sat to the side of the unfinished sandcastle, silent and waiting, hoping… Testing.

But his friends did not notice.

Later on if they asked, he would tell them he felt restless. If they asked.

Riku got to his feet and, without even looking back to see if they noticed him, he turned to leave.

"And I can make us necklaces, for good luck…" Kairi was saying, her voice eager, but controlled. "Twenty shells should be enough to make two. What do you think?"

Slowly he came to a stop, feet sinking into the warm sand, his heart weighing heavily in his chest. He paused in mid-breath, listening, waiting for Sora's response.

_…enough to make two…_

Not three, for the three of them. Surely Sora would notice. Surely he'd correct Kairi and ask 'What about Riku?'

Even though Sora no longer needed to rely on Riku to be happy, Riku now needed Sora more than ever to feel that happiness, to feel complete.

Riku listened and waited for that sweet voice to include him, to remember him. _Surely_ Sora would…

"Yeah, twenty's good."

Overhead a seagull released a disheartened caw and the sun reached its peak in the sky, ready to begin its descent into the horizon.

Slipping his sad green eyes closed, Riku released his breath and continued his trek away from the lonely half-sandcastle. He knew exactly what he was going to do now, because it was what he always did when this happened; it was what he had taken up as a hobby ever since Sora and Kairi had begun to leave him out. It didn't make him feel as satisfied as Sora did, but it was the closest thing he had ever found.

He was going to go find Tidus.

Now, his relationship with Tidus was an interesting one. The kid reminded him terribly of Sora, even though they had their key differences. It was something about their stubbornness to always be right, their intense passion about life and what they tried to accomplish… It was something about the way they moved, spoke, laughed… Their pouts, their innocent eyes and silly spiky hair.

Except, Tidus was more secure about himself… and also a hell of a lot more rough in fights.

Riku _still_ felt bad sometimes about giving the kid that scar on his cheek. Well, stress on the _sometimes_. Tidus had the idea in his head that one day he was going to give Riku a matching scar, so the older boy was constantly watching out for his pretty face.

But today Riku was looking forward to hanging out with the blonde kid, especially after being so coldly forgotten by Kairi and Sora in their hurry to prepare the raft. Riku was excited about finally leaving these boring islands with his two best friends, but at this rate it seemed he was never going to set sail on _his_ raft.

After being so cruelly reminded that Sora was slowly, but surely drifting away from him, Riku needed a good Sora substitute.

However, the day certainly wasn't looking good for him because unfortunately, when he got to Tidus' usual spot, only Wakka was there.

"Hey, man! What's happening?" the cheery red-head called as Riku approached. He was sitting on his blitzball in the sand, watching the ocean waves, and even though he looked as lonely as Riku felt, Riku knew Wakka was far from feeling it.

He gave the older boy a smile as he sat down next to him. "Nothing," he replied, deciding not to voice his thoughts about Kairi and Sora and the unfinished sandcastle.

"Been seeing a lot of you lately, ya?" Wakka said. "You're usually with Sora, y'know."

Riku slightly nodded, lowering his head as he trailed his fingers through the sand. "Yeah. Sora's too busy for me today though." And before Wakka could ask about Sora, Riku added, "Seen Tidus around?"

"Oh yes. He and Selphie returned to the mainland to get drinks," the older boy replied with a happy nod. "They should be back soon."

And indeed they were. Just as he and Wakka were falling into a comfortable silence, the sound of sandals on the wood of the dock alerted them, and Riku looked up to see the two 13-year-olds tie their boats to the dock.

"Here, Wakka, we got your usual Tropical Flush drink!" Tidus called as they started running up.

"They had a new flavor today!" Selphie added.

"It's Paopu Berry—oh, hey Riku," Tidus paused, grinning as he held Wakka's drink out to him. "I thought you and Sora had plans today?"

As Selphie settled into the sand next to him, Riku nodded, eyeing the bright can of juice in the girl's hands. "Yeah, we did…" But he let it trail off as he snatched the can out of her hands and lifted it up to inspect it. "Paopu Berry, huh?"

"Heeey, Riku give it back! Meanie!" Selphie whined cutely, pawing at his arms as he held it over his head to inspect it out of her reach.

"I think I want to try it," Riku decided, smirking at the girl as he moved to open it in front of her.

Tidus stepped up to them and easily grabbed it from Riku's hands. "Don't be mean, Riku. If you're thirsty I'll share mine with you. We got the same flavor."

Raising an eyebrow, the silver-haired boy watched Tidus hand Selphie her drink and asked, "You'd share something called 'Paopu Berry' with me, Tidus?"

The girl giggled, clutching her drink, and Tidus blushed at Riku's remark.

"Well, it's not like we're sharing the fruit! It's just a stupid legend anyway," he pointed out in defense, but Riku merely grinned at him.

"It's not a stupid legend!" Selphie said, and as though to prove her point, "Right Wakka?"

"Sure, kid."

"See? Wakka doesn't think it's stupid."

As Tidus handed the can to him, Riku laughed, feeling his spirits already rising. "Alright, then I guess Tidus and I are forever going to be intertwined or whatever," he said, lifting the tab to open the can.

However, as he took a long swig of the drink, he failed to see the glint of happiness in Tidus' eyes.

Passing the can back to the blonde boy, Riku smiled, wiping his mouth with his wrist. "So what were you guys planning to do for the rest of the day?" he asked, feeling Tidus settle in between him and Selphie, who gladly scooted over to accommodate him.

"Not much," Wakka admitted. "Selphie wanted to go swimming."

"And Tidus wanted to fight," Selphie added, looking small and frail in the sand on the other side of Tidus. "But I didn't bring my jump rope."

Riku glanced at Tidus, who was studying the can of Paopu Berry with an intent look on his face. "Well, Tidus, if you're still up for it, I'll fight you," he said, watching the blonde head raise and those blue eyes focus on him. Smiling, Riku asked, "How's the juice?"

"I like it," Tidus admitted, returning the smile. "Alright, let's fight!" he said as he handed the drink back to Riku and got to his feet. "And then we'll all go swimming!"

And as they went to retrieve their weapons from the shed, Riku couldn't help thinking that this day was already looking better, even without Sora.

At the other side of the island, the rising tide began to eat away at a forgotten half-sandcastle.

_--------------------_

**-Entry Whatever-**

_Riku beat me again. Like always… But this time I got in a few more hits than usual! I wish it was because I'm getting better, but it's because Riku's been distracted lately. _

_It's getting worse too. It's been a few weeks now, hasn't it? Looks like I'm the only one that's noticed though._

_That's because no one else watches him like I do – I think it's an obsession, the way I always find myself looking for him when I look up or something. No one else studies him like I do, so no one has seen him change…_

_No one else knows he's depressed, and that it's Sora's fault._

_Why does Riku like him anyway?_

_Hah, I bet Sora didn't get to share a paopu-flavored drink with Riku!_

Tidus paused here in his writing, biting the inside of his cheek as he studied the wrinkled page of his journal. Lately, it seemed his thoughts had been filled with only Riku. His early entries had been filled with a lot of things, from adventures with Wakka and Selphie's weird stories to how much taller he had grown since he last checked.

He was thirteen now, though… He didn't have time for most of that baby stuff.

Getting stronger was important, his _friends_ were important. But most important of all were the hormones! Well, at least for a thirteen-year-old boy with a crush.

For a while now he'd been watching Riku, confused about how the other boy made him feel… like that weird stirring in his stomach (was it his stomach?), and the way he always felt like he had to impress the older boy, and stuff of the sort.

At first he'd been scared, yeah, because after all those sex-lectures he'd had to listen to when he turned twelve, he thought he was only supposed to feel funny like that towards _girls_. Well, Selphie and Kairi definitely had no effect on him. They actually sorta scared him…

But then, it was _just_ Riku, not boys in general. Only Riku made him blush, only Riku made him worried about how he looked, and only Riku's face came to mind when he woke up in the mornings with a problem.

So, while his earlier entries would have been filled with his boasting and cocky outlook on life, lately he'd been focusing more on Riku, like the most recent one he was now writing.

_I know Riku's sad because Sora's always hanging out with Kairi now. I hate it when Riku's sad._

_I still remember the first time I decided to go up to Riku after Sora and Kairi ran off. He was sitting on the paopu tree, as always, staring off into space, but I knew he was depressed. I went up to him and I think I just asked him if he wanted to hang out. He smiled at me and I knew that was it._

_I love Riku's smile._

_That'd been the start of our kinda close friendship, I think. I know he's just using me in the place of Sora, but that's alright with me. I don't care why he's hanging out with me, just as long as I'm with him and he's happier. _

_Heh, I wonder when I really began to like him though?_

_Riku has no clue about my feelings, of course. He's always too stuck on Sora. Then again, how could Riku know? It's not like I'm being obvious about it. Though lately, I've been slipping up a little by staring at him, or blushing. It's annoying! I hate it when he makes me feel all weird._

_Well… Maybe I don't hate it that much. I really like being with him!_

_I really don't know how Sora could just go off without him to be with Kairi instead! I mean, ew. I'd rather be with Riku any day… So that really confuses me. It makes me feel bad for Riku though, since Riku's so obviously in love with him._

_Sora doesn't deserve Riku's attention all the time, especially since Sora's so blind about the situation these days. _

_What kind of friend ignores the person closest to him, when the person needs his attention the most?_

Tidus paused again, humming to himself thoughtfully.

Sora's neglect was making Riku miserable, and it was getting worse, yes… but lately, while Kairi and Sora hung out and cast Riku aside, Riku had started to come to Tidus on his _own_ instead of just sulking immediately.

Tidus wasn't one to complain. While he didn't want to see Riku so downcast, he was more than willing to steer Riku away from Sora so he could get closer to Riku. It was working too. The more Sora forgot Riku, the closer Riku and Tidus got, and the more time Tidus wanted to spend with the older boy.

Skipping a few lines in his journal, the blonde boy frowned as he continued writing.

_I'm getting too soft, aren't I? I must be seriously obsessed with him if I worry this much about him. _

_He doesn't talk to me about things though, not like how he used to tell Sora everything. I wonder if I'll ever get that close to him, if he'll trust me that much some day._

_I hope so._

_Gah, Tidus, you sound like a love-struck fool! Stop writing in your damn girly journal, get out there and start practicing some more! You really need to beat him, even if you DO like him. Idiot._

With that, he slammed the book shut, threw down his pencil, and leapt to his feet, sheets tangled around his legs. He shook them off and snatched his sandals off the floor, already out of his room when he realized he was grinning, indeed, like an idiot or a love-struck fool.

Oh well. So what if he _liked_ Riku that seriously? So what if Riku would never know his feelings, and kept using him as a Sora-substitute?

Tidus was happy just being with him, and the closer they got, the happier they both got. He was perfectly comfortable with the arrangement, despite the occasional blush or weird dream about Riku.

He was so happy these days, so comfortable with his thirteen-year-old carefree life that he _never_ imagined everything could come crumbling down in just one day.

_--------------------_

"Wakka! Why do **I** have to get the ball?!"

"Haha, cuz you're the one who hit it all the way over there."

Tidus put on his best intimidating face, blue eyes narrowed and his arms crossed over his chest as he glared at his best friend. "You're closer," he said, almost pouting.

Despite his best efforts of persuasion, however, Wakka burst out laughing at him.

"You look like Sora, ya?" the older boy sniggered in between his laughter. "Just go get the ball."

Huffing, Tidus trudged through the shallow water and passed his friend with a playful shove, quickly dodging Wakka's counterattack and ran ahead to find the blitzball that had disappeared somewhere in the bushes behind the watchtower.

Pushing wet bangs from his eyes, the grinning boy shuffled through the brush, feeling his soaked clothes catch on the small branches. And just when he caught sight of the blue and white ball amongst the green, he heard the voices.

"I wish I could go with you guys, Kairi! This looks so awesome…"

Curious, Tidus hefted the ball out and, after checking Wakka wasn't looking, he climbed the steps and peeked through the bushes to look down at the cove where Kairi usually hung out. Selphie was sitting with her on what looked like a complete raft.

W-Wait a minute. Raft?

Eyes widening, his breath caught in his throat in realization.

The raft!

It was already _done_?!

Moving a little closer, Tidus ignored his now pounding heart and focused more closely on the conversation between the two girls.

"I wish you could come too, Selphie," Kairi was saying peacefully, "but there's hardly room for three people as it is."

"Still…" Selphie insisted, her eyes bright as she studied the craftsmanship of the raft. "Hey, aren't you worried about what you'll find?"

"Nah, Sora will protect me," Kairi replied with a grin. "I'm so excited! Out on the open sea with Sora, adventuring other lands… I hope there's something out there."

Selphie blinked at her friend, frowning. "What about Riku?"

Kairi's smile fell a little. "I'm happy he's coming too, I guess… But…" She hesitated, looking down at the sand. "Lately he's been acting so cold towards me…"

"Hmm…"

"Know anything about it, Selphie?"

"Nope, he's been acting fine around me! He's always hanging out with us now, messing around with Tidus and stuff. It's really fun!" Tidus shrank back further into the bushes at the mention of his name, and Selphie continued with a softer, less enthusiastic voice. "But… I'm really going to miss y'all. Who knows when you'll be back…" she pointed out, and the blonde boy really felt the emotion behind that last statement. "And you're leaving so soon! Tomorrow's so early…"

_Tomorrow?!_

At that terrifying revelation, Tidus pulled himself out of the bushes and sank onto the sand, mouth open with disbelief. The blitzball fell from his grasp and rolled down the steps, bouncing a little as it came to a rest in the water below.

Riku was leaving tomorrow on the raft.

An _unhappy_ Riku was leaving with Sora and Kairi, the objects of his misery, tomorrow.

_Tomorrow!_

Even though Tidus had known for months that the three of them were planning on building a raft and setting sail to explore, he'd never imagined that they'd actually go through with it. It had seemed like such an impossible dream for three kids, yet…

There the raft was.

They were leaving _tomorrow_. They were going to abandon their homes, their families, their friends… just for a dream. A _silly_ dream of distant lands and adventure!

Worst of all, **Riku** was going too…! Riku was sacrificing his happiness to be with Sora—he was still fighting for him, even though he _knew_ Sora liked Kairi!

Riku was _leaving_. He was leaving **Tidus**.

No, it couldn't be true…!

He couldn't leave him! Riku couldn't leave Tidus, just when life was perfect and Tidus was beginning to understand what all the feelings inside of him meant!

"Tidus, you okay man?"

Startled blue eyes flickered up to find a concerned Wakka towering over him, the dripping blitzball under his arm. Tidus gaped at his older friend, lost for words, his eyes stinging with disbelief.

Riku was leaving him. Riku _couldn't_ leave! Not now, not yet, not _ever_!

Tidus wasn't okay, not by a long shot. But he couldn't tell Wakka, or express it… His voice choked up, his lip quivering as his eyes filled with tears of betrayal.

It wasn't fair! He was so happy with Riku, but Riku was throwing him and everything else away, just for a remote chance with Sora… on a raft that would probably succumb to the ocean! There was no way they'd last even a week like that!

So _why_…?

Giving Wakka a despaired sniffle, he sprung to his feet and brushed past his friend, leaping into the shallow water and sprinting towards the door that would lead him to the other side of the island. Tears threatening to slip down his cheeks, a panicked Tidus burst through the door and, knowing exactly where to find Riku, he scrambled up the stairs of the shack to get to the bridge, throwing open that door and flying across the wooden planks to get to the paopu isle, Riku's isle, where Riku was actually sparring with Sora, laughing and smiling and…

"**Riku**!" he cried, and the silver-haired boy looked up just in time to see Tidus barreling towards him.

"Tid—AH!"

Tidus leapt onto the older boy, wrapping his arms around him and burying his face into his chest, not caring that he was interrupting a fight, or that Sora was gawking at him in confusion and concern, and Riku was having trouble breathing with his tight grip.

"Riku, you asshole…!" Tidus cried into the boy's sweat-dampened shirt.

"Tidus, what's—"

But Sora didn't finish his question. Somehow sensing this wasn't something to involve the other boy in, Riku had interrupted.

"Maybe you should leave, Sora…" he suggested in a hesitant voice, and Tidus could sense his reassuring smile at the other boy. It was a façade.

He heard Sora shuffle in the sand a little before a soft "Alright" was given, and the boy's soft footsteps against the planks of the bridge indicated he was leaving. No time for more questions, no time for confusion as to why Tidus was suddenly so attached to Riku. Sora simply left.

Now that he was alone with Riku, Tidus finally let go of him, stepping back and wiping his eyes with his arm before the tears could actually fall. He would _not_ cry. He was already thirteen! Men didn't cry… especially not in front of the people they tried to impress the most. Even if it seemed like the world was suddenly ending because Riku was going to leave, Tidus didn't want to cry.

Though, when he looked up, he _wanted_ to.

Riku was glaring at him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

On any other occasion, Tidus would have reacted defensively at Riku's cold query, but today he merely shivered, his heart contracting with pain.

"You… You didn't tell me!" he managed to say, not really caring that his tough image was crumbling with this pathetic show he was putting on. He didn't care about any of that; all that mattered was _this_. Riku. "You didn't tell me you were leaving tomorrow!"

"Does it matter when I leave?" Riku asked calmly as he tossed his wooden sword away, crossing his arms across his chest as he regarded the younger boy. "I'm free to do whatever I want, right?"

"NO!" Tidus yelled, clenching his fists at his side as he glared at him, feeling his fear and anger at the unfairness of the situation fuel his words. "You can't leave!"

"And why not?"

"Because it won't be the same here without you!" Tidus cried, pounding a fist on Riku's chest. "Because the island needs you! Because **I** need you, you asshole!!"

He suddenly choked, realizing what he had just said. Yet somehow it didn't seem to bother the older boy. With a soft sigh, Riku slung an arm around the blonde and pulled him into a loose embrace, gently ruffling his pale spikes of hair. And when he spoke, it was honestly curious.

"Why does it bother you so much?"

Tidus' smaller shoulders shook against Riku's arms, his wet bangs pricking the corner of his eyes as he shook his head, refusing to answer that question. "Will you ever come back?" he asked instead, stifling the urge to sniffle in front of Riku, even though they both knew he was already crying. He may not have been _actually_ crying, but the emotion was there, and it was tearing Tidus up inside.

"I don't know," Riku answered, and the other boy was almost scared of the honesty behind that statement. Not even Riku knew when they'd be back, _if_ they'd be back, if they would find anything or even survive the trip. It was the truth, cold and direct.

Lifting his blue eyes to meet Riku's green, Tidus clutched the older boy's shirt as he took a shuddery breath to calm himself. "Please don't go, Riku..!"

"I have to."

"No you don't!" Tidus insisted desperately.

He was frightened of the images filling his mind—Riku alone, floating on his back and staring at an empty sky, the sea stretched around him and nothing else in sight. The raft being overturned by a large wave, of the raft being shattered by lightning, and Tidus' three friends being thrown into the raging ocean. Riku disappearing without a trace into the ocean during the night, while Kairi and Sora cuddled for warmth.

Riku would die out there. He'd…

No, Tidus couldn't think like that!

"Please don't go!" he tried again, trying to express with his eyes all that he felt. "What if you get caught in a storm, or what if—"

"We'll be fine, Tidus, stop worrying," Riku assured, but there was no heart behind his words.

The blonde frantically shook his head. "No! You won't be alright! Not with Sora and Kairi!" he said, his voice thick with fear of both what he was saying, and the fact Riku was actually willing to put up with it. "I know how much it hurts you to see them together, how miserable it makes you when they leave you out!"

Riku suddenly squeezed Tidus' shoulder, his fingers starting to shake. "Tidus…?"

"And I know you love Sora! You _can't_ go, not with _them_ together!"

Riku's grip tightened painfully, his green eyes growing hard at Tidus' words. "_What_?"

"Everyone knows how much Sora and Kairi like each other," Tidus hastily continued, trying to pull away from Riku's strong hand but failing. Why was he holding onto him so hard…? "Y-You're wasting your time with them!" he said with a shaking voice, scared of his own brave words, and the way Riku's pretty eyes were beginning to grow more angry… "Give up on Sora!"

At this Riku roughly shoved Tidus, almost forcing the boy into the sand, but Tidus caught himself and raised his gaze to watch the older boy. Those green eyes were sharp with surprise and fear, silver eyebrows angrily drawn together as he glared at the trembling blonde.

"What the _hell_ do you know about it?" Riku hissed. "You…" But the silver-haired boy paused to control himself, shaking his head. "No, it doesn't matter. I'm leaving with them, no matter what."

But if he couldn't stop Riku, Tidus wouldn't know what to do without him! What would happen to his happiness, his dreams about him, his need to _win_...

Wait! That's right!

Desperate, Tidus leapt at him, pulling Riku's face down to look at him. "No, it does matter!! What about _this_?! What about the scar you gave me?!" he cried, tracing the small cross-shape on his cheek. Blue eyes filling with tears again, he pushed on, "I still haven't beaten you! You can't leave me here alone! You can't go with them, Riku! **Please**!!"

The older boy merely shook his head, pulling away from Tidus' grasp as he refused to look at his eyes again. "No, I'm leaving! Stop looking at me like that."

Stop looking at him like that? What?

"Like what?" Tidus demanded with a growl, wiping his eyes again before he cried. "Like I might _like_ you?!"

But the confession either meant nothing, or wasn't taken seriously.

With another shake of his head, Riku turned to leave, raising one hand to disregard Tidus' pain.

_That_ was unacceptable.

_That_ was just… heartless.

With an angry scream, Tidus leapt at the other boy as he was heading towards the bridge. Green eyes widened in surprise as Tidus threw himself at him. Hands pulled at each other, feet lost their balance, and both of them tumbled into the surging tide below.

The ocean swallowed sense as they scrambled to get footing in the water, their limbs and clothes tangling with one another's as they fought to get to the surface. Riku broke for air first, only to be attacked by Tidus as the other boy rose, skinny but powerful limbs wrapping around the larger boy to keep him from escaping.

"You _can't_ leave," Tidus persisted quietly, burying his face in Riku's dripping silver hair, a stream of ocean water running down his cheeks onto the older boy's lean back. "I won't know what to do, Riku…" he confessed, voice clouded with helplessness. "I don't want you to go…!"

Riku slowly turned in Tidus' arms to face him, his own heart erratically beating at this strange exchange. Soft green eyes took in Tidus' miserable appearance, from the tangled, wet blonde hair, the downturn face carrying sad blue eyes and a childish pout.

Even though he was smaller than Sora, with paler skin and hair, Riku couldn't help seeing him in Tidus.

He'd never made anyone this upset before, and it hurt unlike anything he'd ever felt…

He didn't like it. He wanted Tidus as the boy always was, cocky and determined, funny and playful. He didn't want to see Tidus' tears, hear his pleading and confessions. He didn't deserve all this attention from the kid, because after all, Riku had only been using him as a Sora substitute…

Sora.

Tidus _did_ look so much like him.

Riku **never** wanted to see Sora with the face Tidus was giving him now.

"Tidus…"

He didn't know what to say to comfort the boy, to calm him down and assure him. What was there to assure anyway? That everything would be alright? He couldn't make empty promises or give any false hope, especially if Tidus really _felt_ for him.

Tidus didn't want to hear any of it anyway. He just wanted to hear two words, the words he knew Riku would never give.

_I'll stay._

He refused to listen to anything else.

So when Riku opened his mouth again to say something, _anything_, Tidus delved into it, lips clumsily capturing Riku's. It wasn't even a kiss, really, more like a stopper, to keep Riku from saying anything.

They stood there in the cool noon tide, Tidus' mouth covering Riku's as the younger boy's shoulders shook with dry sobs.

In that moment, as Tidus began to pull away with his lips turned downward in despair, two gloved hands slid into that wet blonde hair. At the strangely intimate touch, blue eyes rose to meet green, and Riku saw Sora there.

But Tidus wasn't Sora, and Riku couldn't use him as a substitute like that.

With a sad smile, he dipped down and gave Tidus a soft, brief kiss.

And as he pulled away, he whispered exactly two words.

Fresh tears slipped down Tidus' cheeks as he stared wide-eyed at the older boy. Their gazes remained fixed on each other's, the gentle waves rolling at their waists as the sun began to descend into the clouds.

Finally, slowly, Riku moved away from the smaller boy, who let him. Tidus remained standing there long after Riku had waded to the shore and left, long after the sun had sunk below the clouds and the shadows began to stretch across the water, those two words echoing in his head like a broken prayer.

_I'm sorry._

_--------------------_

Riku avoided everyone for the rest of the day, curled up against the mysterious door in the secret place where drawings of the past haunted him, and a freshly-carved paopu fruit mocked him from the wall.

Glancing once more at the drawing's rough edges, Riku buried his face into his knees, wrapping his arms around his legs, and shivered.

The proof was right there.

Sora liked Kairi. He liked her enough to want to share the legendary fruit with her. Even after all of Riku's efforts of keeping the boy to himself, Kairi had won.

And Tidus had been right.

Darkness had long ago begun its domination of the secret place, covering the cave in shadows. Riku doubted anyone was still there on the island, this late. No one would come looking for him now, especially not here in the mysterious secret place, especially not at night…

How wrong he was.

Just as the sun fully set outside, and only Riku's silver hair and skin reflected the rising moon overhead, there came a soft scuffle of feet on sand and a gloved hand dragging across stone wall at the entrance.

"Riku?"

All colors turned grey in the absence of light, but even then… Riku swore he saw blue eyes focusing on him through the darkness.

"Riku, I saw your boat…"

Sora's voice sounded concerned, confused… How ironic that those two emotions always came in a pair when they were centered on him.

"Yeah… I didn't want to go home yet…" he muttered from his corner.

Stepping into the tiny stream of moonlight, Sora gave Riku a small smile. Even after such a horrible day, Riku's mood was easily lifted by that smile. How silly that a simple upturning of lips could wash away mad thoughts and foul tempers.

"Is it alright if I join you?" the boy asked cautiously, and for the first time Riku realized that maybe he was scaring his friend.

Glancing up with a tired, empty chuckle, Riku replied, "I guess."

Funny how when you want to be alone the most, someone always finds you.

Sora settled against the door next to his friend, their shoulders brushing, and stretched his legs out past Riku's shoes. When it seemed like he was comfortable enough in the darkness, he continued.

"What's wrong?"

Letting out a soft snort, Riku replied, "Don't play dumb…"

This made Sora hesitate, and the older boy realized that maybe Sora _hadn't_ known after all. And sure enough, after a moment of thought, the younger boy tentatively asked, "It's Tidus, isn't it?"

Was that a hint of jealousy in Sora's voice?

"No…" Riku began to say, but caught himself as he recalled those blue eyes filled with tears, and Tidus' lips on his own. Heart suddenly feeling quite heavy, he admitted, "Well, in way… but not really."

He felt Sora's spiky hair brush against his arms, and he knew the boy was looking up at him through the dark.

"Then it's Kairi," Sora said, his tone leaving no doubt. Riku's silence was all the confirmation the other boy needed, and he sighed, indicating he didn't really want to say what he was about to say. "She doesn't want you to come, y'know."

"I know."

And Riku _had_ known. He'd been a jerk, yeah, but that was in his nature, considering the circumstances. As much as he liked Kairi as a friend, he didn't like it when she hogged Sora all to herself, even unintentionally.

Sora smiled through the dark as though proud of something. "But I bet you don't know that I'd rather go with you, than just her."

At this Riku froze, almost forgetting to breathe for a moment. That had been unexpected, certainly, the little confession. No, Riku hadn't known _that_, for Sora had never given any indication he'd rather be with Riku.

Sora happily continued on.

"I mean, we were planning this trip even before Kairi came to the island!" he pointed out, gently nudging Riku. "Remember our old adventures? Used to think this place was filled with monsters…"

Riku couldn't help smiling at the memory. "Yeah, I remember."

"So if anyone should go on this trip, it's us, right?" Sora grinned, leaning a little against the older boy.

"You'd be okay with that?" Riku asked, a little confused. After all, he had been so sure about Sora's crush on her, so sure they really _liked_ each other, and Riku had felt like he'd had no part in Kairi and Sora's growing relationship. But here Sora was, telling Riku he'd rather be with _him_…

"Yeah," the boy admitted, laughing a little. "Kairi's been confusing me lately. And she's too clingy." Here he paused though, his voice growing softer as he stared at the other boy. "Really, I'm sorry for not spending time with you lately, Riku… It really hurt you, didn't it?"

Through the darkness, Riku's eyes widened, but he said nothing.

"I feel bad about it," Sora said with a sigh as he lowered his head, and Riku felt him shifting uncomfortably. "She wanted me to leave with her, just the two of us… She told me that just a few minutes ago. That was when I really noticed how far we've grown apart. I mean, it took me that long to realize..."

The older boy slowly turned his eyes back to watch Sora's shadowy figure.

"And this afternoon I was really confused, y'know?" the boy was saying, his sadness weighing his words. "About the paopu thing before the race, and about Tidus suddenly throwing himself onto you when we were fighting… I didn't have a clue what was going on with you anymore." He paused for a second, contemplating, realizing… "I didn't even know when exactly you had stopped coming to me to tell me things… Or when I'd stop coming to _you_."

"Sora…" Riku breathed, finally finding his voice. "It's not your—"

"No, Riku," Sora interrupted, a pout evident on his face, "don't tell me it's not my fault, because you know it is."

_Not completely_, Riku admitted quietly. He couldn't just blame Sora. After all, he'd _let_ them leave him out.

"Oh," Sora gasped quietly, "I just remembered!" He suddenly shifted positions, hand digging in his pocket for something. "I made something for you!" The soft clicking of porcelain filled the silence of the secret place as Sora lifted up a necklace made of seashells. A proud grin filled the boy's face. "I saw Kairi making mine, and realized you needed one too! So I made one behind her back, hehe."

Riku blinked at it in surprise, unsure of what to say as Sora held it out for him to take. Even through the shadows, the older boy could see the inexperience behind the craftsmanship, but also the determination and care…

"It's made out of Thalassa shells, the kind Kairi always collects during low tides," Sora explained, moving his hand forward to urge Riku to take it. "I know it's not the best quality, but it's for good luck on our adventure tomorrow!"

Slowly Riku reached forward, carefully taking the necklace into his gloved hand. "Sora…" he began, but again, he had no idea what to say.

He tensed when he suddenly felt Sora's arms around him and the boy's cheek on his shoulder, those blue eyes staring up at him through a pout.

"Forgive me?" Sora asked, bottom lip cutely sticking out. "I swear I won't forget you again, Riku, no matter what."

That face, the necklace, those words, his embrace… they all easily erased Riku's doubts and guilt, and he managed a sympathetic smile back at Sora, allowing himself to relax into Sora's embrace.

"Yeah… I forgive you."

A bright grin illuminated Sora's face at those words, and he snuggled closer to the older boy. "Good. Now stop sulking in creepy places," he teased, poking Riku in the ribs. "You know I hate the dark…"

"And you know I'll protect you from the boogiemen, Sora," Riku smirked, poking the boy right back, causing them both to giggle.

It was perfect. Their relationship seemed so _normal_ again, like nothing had just taken place.

But… even though he'd give anything to stay just the way they were, he knew Sora was itching to leave this place. Riku had always found comfort here, but the other boy only came in here sparingly, claiming the atmosphere of the place unsettled him.

"But you're right…" he said, ruffling Sora's spiky hair. "We should probably be getting home now. Big day tomorrow."

Sora pulled away, excited grin still in place. "That's right! Race you to the docks?"

"Pfft, like you'll win," Riku laughed, climbing to his feet. "But you're on!"

As each boy fought to make it first out of the secret place, Riku felt his heart soaring with renewed hope, with happiness. He _did_ have a chance with Sora after all, and he couldn't wait to leave with Sora, to get off this forsaken island. Even if the raft failed, he'd find a way leave no matter what, with _only_ Sora if that's what it took. As long as Sora was there beside him, and would take his hand wherever they went, Riku knew everything would be alright.

_No matter **what** it took_.

But behind them, back in the darkness of the secret place where the two boys had been crouching a moment before, a dark keyhole gaped open.

_--------------------_

In his dark room in bed, Tidus curled up on himself, clutching his pillow to him like a fading memory. The storm rolling over the island seemed to match his mood perfectly, reflecting the warring emotions inside of him… Grief, anger… Love and denial.

Outside his window lightning flashed, illuminating the darkness for the briefest of moments, casting twisted shadows across his messy room. On the floor lay his discarded journal, face down and forgotten.

He trembled, listening to the wind howling outside his window—or was that someone screaming?

He hated these kinds of storms. He hated being so damn vulnerable during them, so… _alone_.

"Riku…"

Thunder rolled and rattled his house and he pulled his pillow closer to himself, shuddering. It hadn't sounded like thunder as much as _growling_, and the tree branches brushing against his window sounded more like claws scratching, begging entrance…

The lightning flashed again, lighting his room with those eerie shadows again, only they were everywhere now, bigger, crawling towards him…

His window shook. The screaming got louder.

_Flash_.

More light.

The shadows were at his bed now, reaching towards him—

Why did their yellow eyes look so comforting?

_--------------------_

-Fin-

_--------------------_

_Yes, "fin" as in finished. This is a one-shot. Review?_


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